Thursday, February 14, 2008

Is this really what you want your life to be like?

It doesn't have to be this way. You afford what ever is important to you. How you spend your time and money tells what that is.
Two different posts along the same line.
This is what modern life has brought us; children raised by strangers and parents too exhausted to care.

An exert from my soon to be published book, Rubies, Silk and Chocolate Covered Peanuts.

What I see when I see an “independent child“ is someone who knows they can't depend on anyone else; that they must care for themselves because no one else will. I don't think that is the lesson I want my child to learn.
Though nannies and hired babysitters would have better numbers (fewer cases of mental illness and learning disabilities as well as physical illness) than daycares, they still would not be able to give a child the love and attention his own mommy would; they are still hirelings.
A child equates time with love. If they love someone they want to be with them. Period. They do not understand economics and "Fulfillment." So, in their way of thinking, if you are spending nine to 12 hours (remember to figure commute time) away from them you must not love them very much. No amount of arguing on your part will ever change that.
Instead of a child being taught at the feet of their mother, who has known him since birth; he is educated at the government schools by some one who doesn't know him from Adam and won't know him a few months from now. He is given a government regulated, factory run, one size fits all schooling. No one really cares in a school what the child thinks; only what he can regurgitate onto the test. There was a time in this country when each child received a tailor made education designed by their parents, consisting of what their parents knew they would need in the future. This time period, 1776 to the late 1800's, had the highest literacy rate in America’s history. Why?
“But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them (the sheep), and scattereth the sheep.” (John 10:12)
Public and private school teachers are nothing more than hierlings, no matter how talented they are. Mommy is the "shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." (John 10:11)
Our houses are cleaned by maids, or not at all, making them no more homey than a hotel, for it is the investing of self into the home through cleaning, caring and decorating that makes it a home.
Our food is cooked by McDonald's and Swanson and lacks the flavor, color and nutrition of a meal prepared by loving hands. People eat too much and too rich of foods trying to satisfy that hunger for home. It will never be found in a hamburger wrapper but in the arms (and frying pan!) of a loving woman.
Our sick are cared for by generic nurses. In times past, the sick were cared for by their own loving mothers, sisters, wives and daughters. Hirelings can't compare to the care given by your own family. (There are, of course, times when illness is so severe that professional nursing is the only answer. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about women intentionally letting strangers do what they are perfectly capable of doing themselves; everyday elder care and low level nursing.)
Speaking of surrogate wives, the feminists (who abhor anything feminine) are generally for legalizing prostitution. It only makes sense to farm out this part of womanhood to a nameless, faceless body just like all the other parts.
We have lost all that is clean, orderly, beautiful, gentle, caring, nourishing, and secure of the image of God. We no longer experience these traits of His in the cradle, at the kitchen table, nor in the school-room at the hands of our own mother; nor in the sick bed at the hands of our sisters, mothers, wives and daughters. We still have the strong, just, and logical image of God through our men, but this makes the view of Him so lopsided. Without both we have an inaccurate picture of God. Without both, we can not know God completely.
There is also the issue of headship.
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. (Mathew 6:24)
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
I have known of too many times when a hubby wanted to take a trip but couldn’t because his wife’s boss wouldn’t let her go. Or times when a man had to jeopardize his job to take care of a sick child because mommy’s job was too important to risk. Or fights caused by the woman expecting the man to do the housework because she earned more money, or was too tired (A stay at home wife can have all the chores and errands done before hubby gets home so they can BOTH rest in the evenings and on weekends.) I don’t believe anyone can submit to their hubby and give their job top priority. One or the other will have to take a back seat. It is usually hubby that looses out.
These facts have led my husband and I to decide for me to stay home. We made this decision before we married. In fact, I was a homemaker four of the six years we were married before having children. We feel this is God's call for our family. Yes, we have had to choose to do without a lot of frills and toys; to live at a lower standard of living than average, but it has been more than worth it.
I do have to admit I was not the most domestically inclined when I first married. My time at school taking college prep courses plus extra-curricular activities, and the prevailing notion in schools that domestic skills are not important (Everyone will need to go to college but everyone will not need to make dinner?) and thus not taught except from an institutional/career point of view, did not leave a lot of time for me to learn to cook, sew or keep a decent house. I have strived over the years to learn everything I possibly can in every area of my chosen vocation; Homemaking. I can honestly say I have gotten better. I still have a long way to go, but I have not messed up dinner so bad I had to cook hamburgers for desert in a long time. God has blessed me with an Older Woman in my life, my mother, who has helped me to learn HOW to be a Keeper at Home. Yes, “Keeping at Home” is a learned skill. That is why Paul had to tell Titus to tell the older women to teach it. It doesn't come naturally any more than brain surgery does and I think it is more important than brain surgery. Not everyone needs surgery, but everyone needs good nutritious meals, loving hands when they are sick and a clean comfortable base from which to launch themselves into the world.
What does a stay-at-home-woman do all day?
1. The childcare you pay the sitter to do.
2. The teaching the sitter doesn’t have time to do. (Common manners, common sense, thinking skills, a work ethic, self worth, self control, discipline, etc).
3. The housework and errands that a dual job family does in the evening and on weekends.
4. The housework and errands that just don’t get done because there is no time and everyone is too tired.
5. Cook meals from scratch (cheaper and healthier!)
6. Plant a garden.
7. Minister to the community (weed the elderly neighbor’s garden, paint the invalid’s house, take them shopping, bring them food, visit the rest homes, etc. SAHW have to be careful not to get too much going though. There is so much that is not being done it is too easy to neglect your family trying to fix it all.)
8. Better yourself (Learn art, music, nursing, history, science, etc. The library is free. Use it!).

Our families need us, as women, not paychecks. And we will not regret spending time with our children when we are old. We WILL regret wasting time earning mere money.