Children Raising

Do your children do what you tell them to? Do they embarrass you in public? Do you have to get a babysitter to take a shower? Than you need some help.

My basic philosophy:
1. Children are humans and should be treated with human respect. I try not to have to discipline my children in front of other people. If you see my children do something wrong and it looks like I am not doing anything, don’t assume nothing will be done, especially if it is an older child. Little ones have to be “taught” in public occasionally, but older ones (6 or so) can be dealt with later, and will be.

This also means I can’t take my frustrations out on them and must say “please” and “thank you.”

2. Children are blessings. I have made it a habit to smile at my children when they come into the room and to speak to them with nicknames of fondness; Sweetie, dear, love, etc. I do NOT engage in child bashing (“you wouldn’t say they were sweet if you lived with them” or any other statements that make it seem like they are problems)

3. Children are creatures of habit. I teach them to obey starting very early; before they are walking in fact. Then they never develop the habit of disobedience. I know this works because it is the way my mom raised me and I still do what she says, automatically, out of habit (I am 40 yo!) My 16 yo still obeys me without arguing or even rolling her eyes. (Now part of respecting them as people is that I am careful not to take advantage of this obedience and make slaves of them.)
Also, I schedule our day carefully and keep it as close to the same everyday as possible. This eliminates problems caused by children not knowing what is expected of them. It also develops good self-discipline.

4. Children are sinners. They are humans, after all. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” (Romans 3:2) “Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.” (Galatians 3:24) The Mosaic law taught Israel (and us) what righteousness is and showed us that we can’t accomplish it ourselves. It shows us the need for a Savior. The parent’s law to a child accomplishes the same thing. A child can not appreciate the Grace of forgiveness without the knowledge that they are a failing sinner and deserve punishment. For their own future good, we parents must make rules of behavior (be polite, treat others the way you want to be treated, obey mom and dad, don’t leave the lid off the toothpaste, etc.) We must be consistent in enforcing punishment for the breaking of those rules too. If we are not, our children will never really know what rules are nor how to obey them (if there is no punishment for breaking a rule, than it isn’t a rule, only a suggestion.) Please note; God told our children to obey their parents. If we allow them to disobey us, we are allowing them disobey God (SIN!) No, we as parents don’t deserve this obedience. But God does.

5. People tend to obey God as adults with the same attitude they obeyed their parents as children. I don’t want my children yelling “You are unfair! No I don’t have to! Make me! I hate you! Etc.” to God. So I can’t let them treat me that way either. When God tells them to jump when they are adults, I want them to say “How high, Sir?” I must teach them that by teaching them to treat me that way.

6. “Discipline” is another way of saying “teach.” When I set rules, reward, or punish a child I do it with his ultimate good in mind; what do I want to teach him with this. For example, when I spat the leg of a baby who won’t lie still during a diaper change, I am teaching them what the word ‘no’ means and that they must obey it. This saved at least one of my children’s lives. She was crawling and reached for the cord of a waffle iron to pull up on (one of the older children had left it hanging and I hadn’t seen it until that moment). I was too far to reach her before she pulled it off on her head. I calmly but firmly said “Jennifer, No.” she sat down and contemplated what I had just said, knowing she would be punished if she disobeyed (a light though stinging smack on the hand is what she would have expected.) This gave me time to get to her and move the cord and appliance where she couldn’t reach it. At 8 months, she understood “No” and what it meant to obey. (And I had a teaching session with the older children explaining why we don’t leave cords hanging!)

You decide what you want your child to look like as an adult and work towards that goal. You don’t want an adult who throws tissy fits? Don’t let the 2yo throw one. You don’t want and adult who is selfish? Don’t let your 5yo be.

I also talk to my children explaining all the logic behind everything I can. This teaches them to think and eventually to be able to take over decisions for themselves.

7. I will never have a more important job than teaching the eternal souls God gave me to be warriors worshiping at His feet. This shows in my attitude and attention to my children and the decisions I make in seemingly unrelated areas.

My two favorite web sites dealing with child raising:
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ Mom of 10 teaches about “staking tomatoes.”

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/ Minister dad of 5 teaches about training to bring joy to your home.