Future pamphlete? Book chapter? Hmmmm

The Family Unit


The Church and the Country are Only as Strong as the Families that Make Them Up.



Marriage and the family were both God’s idea. They were the first institutions that He invented.

Marriage

God made two humans in the beginning; one male and one female. This is His design for marriage.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and thy shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

Any other format than one man and one woman for marriage, is not approved by God; including polygamy, homosexuality, serial divorce, and “open marriages”.



The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage has two purposes. The first is to demonstrate God’s relationship with the church.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;” Ephesians 5:25

Polygamy would demonstrate God having two or more brides, which He doesn’t. There is only one church.

“So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.” Romans 12:5

“A bishop (what we call a Pastor today) then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach;” Timothy 3:2

The leaders of the church are to set the example of monogamy. There are no examples in the Bible of healthy families from polygamous marriages.



Homosexuality demonstrates that God doesn’t need the church but should find another God to be His companion; or that the church doesn’t need God, but should just find another church to fellowship with.

Romans 1:26-28 “For this cause (the denial of God) God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: (lesbianism) and likewise also the men leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men (homosexuality) working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; (Men are not designed to have sex with men)”



The second purpose of marriage is to produce godly children.

Malachi 2:15 “And did not He make one? Yet had He the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That He might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”



The results of a marriage that does these two things are that the needs of both parties are filled; they have companionship, an efficient division of labor, and a life of enjoyment. These are not the purposes of marriage, but the rewards.



Divorce

God hates divorce.

Malachi 2:16 “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (divorce); …”

When I enter into marriage, it is for life no matter what. God only gives two reasons for divorce:

• Adultery:

“But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” Matthew 5:32

If my spouse cheats on me I have the option to divorce him/her and remarry. I don’t have to, but it is an option that is left up to me.

When Israel cheated on God (entered into idolatry), He chose to forgive her many times, but ultimately divorced her.

“And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce;…” Jeremiah 3:8

• Abandonment:

“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15

If my unsaved spouse chooses to stay with me, I must cheerfully and lovingly stay with them, doing my best to obey God’s commands to me as a husband or wife, even if they aren’t following His Word.

“For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” 1 Corinthians 7:16

But if they wish to divorce me because of my faith, I am free to remarry another Christian.

• The Bible doesn’t give the option of divorcing an abusive spouse. However, it does give permission to flee persecution (separate) and commands us to obey the laws of the land. It is permissible (and possibly even commanded) for me to have my abusive spouse arrested for their abuse and testify against them in court since it is against the laws of this land for a husband to beat up his wife or for a wife to beat her husband. If I follow this course, I should earnestly pray for my spouse to come to repentance and continue to be the best mate I can be. If they choose to file for divorce I am free to remarry a Christian according to the abandonment allowance.



Once I am divorced, I must seek God’s will on whether to seek a new spouse or not. It may be God’s will for me to remarry or to stay single and focus all my attention and energy on serving Him. If I do remarry and for some reason that marriage ends before my death, I am not allowed to remarry my first spouse.

“And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.” Deuteronomy 24:3,4

This would not apply if our divorce occurred before we were saved, though, as;

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

How Should A Married Couple Treat Each Other

A married couple should treat each other like:

• Christians- “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” Ephesians 5:21

• Neighbors- “…Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Matthew 22:39

• Enemies- “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” Matthew 5:14 (Love, bless, do good to, and pray for your spouse.)



Husbands

The Bible clearly states that the husband is the head of the household. As the husband, I am to protect, provide for, and lead my family. I will have to answer before the throne of God for how I have fulfilled this role. I will bear responsibility for all decisions made.

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.” Ephesians 5:23



Jesus not only died a torturous death for His bride (the church- something He very much did not want to do), He gave up His desires for her.

Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.” Matthew 4:1

If Jesus did not want the power, riches, thrills, etc. that Satan offered Him, this would not have been temptation.

“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15

He very much wanted them and didn’t even need the devil’s help to get them. But He loved the church so much He denied Himself these things to do what was best for her. He lived a life of ministry to His bride, providing the teachings and instructions she would need to live a righteous life and did what was necessary to provide her with eternal life.

This is the attitude I, as a husband, should have to my wife.

Ephesians 5:25-28 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it. That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself.”

Spots are sin. Just as Christ provides instruction and strength to keep the church from sin, so I, as the husband, have the responsibility to do my best to provide my wife with the teaching and support necessary to live a righteous life. I cannot make her accept Christ, but I can make it easier for her to do so and help her in her walk with God.

Wrinkles in clothes appear from disuse. I need to make sure my wife has what she needs to develop and use her talents. God gave her those talents to help me (even if I can’t see how they might help at the moment) and it is really in my best interest to see that they are developed to the highest extent possible just like God makes sure the church has all she needs to develop her gifts.

I am to love my wife as my own body.

“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Ephesians 5:28

I am to give extra honor to her because she is physically weaker.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7

My job, then, as a husband, is to care for my wife mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My wife cannot force me to do these things. They are commands between me and my God. They must come from my heart.

The Lord tells me in 1 Timothy 5:8 that if I don’t provide for my own, especially those in my own household, I am a worse sinner than an atheist and have denied God.

It is my responsibility to make sure my family has food to eat, a roof over their head, the love they need to be mentally sound, and that they have the spiritual training they need to follow God. This does not mean I must provide an upper-middle class standard of living, or even a middle class standard. But it does mean all their basic needs must be met. If I follow God’s guiding, He will put me in the job that will best meet my family’s needs while providing opportunities for me to minister for Him. This may be a place in full time church ministry, but is more likely to be witnessing on the job to my co-workers. God needs ministers at all income levels and all walks of life.



Wife

The Bible clearly states that I, as the wife, am to submit to my husband.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;…” 1 Peter 3:1

This does not mean I am less intelligent or less capable than my husband. Nor does it mean that it is ok for my husband to walk all over me or abuse me.

It does mean that just like a manager in a business to the owner, a major in the army to the general, or the church to God, I am to help my husband to achieve those goals God gives him. The more intelligent and capable I am, the better I can help him. A wise leader (husband, general, business owner) asks for the opinions of his assistants and discusses their views before making decisions. He may not always agree or go along with his advisors, but he will seek their advice and seriously consider it. He also delegates and does not micro-manage.

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

I must obey my husband cheerfully and willingly, while giving him wise counsel and doing all I can to help him achieve the goals God has given him. If he is called to be a truck driver, I must become the best truck-driver’s-wife I can possibly be. If he is called to be a missionary, so am I. If he is called to be the church janitor, so am I. By working with my husband to achieve his assigned goals instead of pursuing my own agenda, we form a team that is unbeatable and will accomplish a great deal for God.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

My husband cannot force me to submit to him any more than I can force him to love me sacrificially. This must come from my heart and is between my God and me.

Titus 2 says for “Older women to … teach the younger women to… be keepers at home…”

The words “keepers at home” mean “workers at home” in the original Greek. As a married woman, it is my job to make sure my family has a healthy, restful home to launch their lives from and to make sure they have nourishing foods to refuel with. It is also most likely that the job of actually teaching and training the children will fall on my shoulders as it is easier to teach while “keeping at home” than while “providing for (our) own.” I must do this with my whole heart as unto the Lord.

“And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” Colossians 3:17

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” Colossians 3:23

I know these words in Titus still apply to me because the rest of the scripture still applies:

“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:4-5

I must follow this scripture to keep the Bible from being “evil spoken of” (Definition of blasphemed)

I must also do it as if I was caring for the Christ child Himself.

“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 24:40



When my children are old enough to help around the house, God may open a door for me to have a ministry besides keeping the home and training the children. This ministry may or may not bring money into the family. I will know this ministry is from God if it does not interfere with my husband’s God-given goals, he approves, it doesn’t harm my children, and doesn’t cause my home to descend into shambles. In other words, any ministry God truly sends me (instead of the devil or my own heart) will not take priority over or interfere with those goals clearly set for me in the Bible.

Part of this helping my husband is to live within the amount of money God has given us through his salary. It is an important part of my job to learn to live frugally. It can even be fun if I set my mind to it. I cannot insist on a high standard of living and then excuse my leaving the home to work in order to support that standard. I must be content with the standard provided by God through my husband.



Goals for a Marriage

God gives two major goals for a marriage. The first is discussed above; to demonstrate God’s love and provision for the church to the world and the church’s love and submission to God.

The second goal given to every couple that God blesses with children is to raise up spiritual warriors trained to worship at the feet of the King.

“When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” 2 Timothy 1:5

These two women have gone down in history because the taught one child to love God.

The Bible clearly states that my children are a blessing form God.

“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Psalms 127:3

They are not accidents or biological occurrences, but special gifts molded by God just for me.

It also says I am to…

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:” Philippians 2:5

Jesus said

“… ‘Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’” Matthew 19:14

This is the attitude I am to have towards my children. They are not interruptions in my life, but the most important ministry I will ever be assigned.

“As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” Psalms 127:4

If I allow God to give me the children He wants to and He chooses the historical average of seven children, and I am faithful to train them to follow God, and each of them allow God to give them the average of seven children, and this continues to my grandchildren, I will have 399 descendents (not counting in-laws) accredited to me. This is a mighty army indeed!



Training the Army

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

The Word of God is our only weapon of attack:

“And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:” Ephesians 6:17

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrew 4:12

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;” 2 Corinthians 10:4



I have the responsibility to train my children in the expert use of their Weapon. God tells me how to do that.

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deuteronomy 6:7

“Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you” 2 Corinthians 6:17

“Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren,” Deuteronomy 4:9

“You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 11:19

“And you shall tell your son in that day, saying, ‘This is done because of what the LORD did for me.” Exodus 8: 8

“Thus says the LORD: “Do not learn the way of the Gentiles;…” Jeremiah 10:2

“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates DAY AND NIGHT.” Psalm 1: 2

This includes school hours



“Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing EVERY THOUGHT into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” 2 Corinthians 10:5

Even math, spelling, history and science thoughts.

“And, ye fathers, provoke (frustrate) not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture (culture) and admonition (education) of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4

I must create in my home a thoroughly Christian culture and saturate my children with the Word of God. I must provide a Christian education. Even if I could find a truly neutral education, it is not good enough. Like young plants I must protect them from the elements of the world until they are old enough to handle them maturely and then only introduce them gradually so they have a chance to build their spiritual muscles.

“That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:” Psalms 144:12

This does mean I must provide an explicitly Christian education either in private Christian school, or, preferably, homeschool as it more completely fulfills the scripture. This will take sacrifices for our family to achieve but:

“Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” Luke 17:33

God will reward my obedience.

Disciplining the Ranks

Part of training my children is teaching them to obey.

“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” Colossians 3:20

The attitude my children obey me with is the attitude they will obey God with in their adult life. I want them to follow God cheerfully, promptly and unquestioningly. So I must demand the same type of obedience to me. To not require them to obey me is to allow them to sin.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” Ephesians 6:1

I must watch carefully and correct any hint of rebellion (eye rolling, sighing, foot stomping, etc.) before it reaches my child’s actions. If the heart is right, the actions will be as right as my child’s maturity allows. This will prevent the forming of the habit of rebellion.

One important tool that God has given me to use in this training is spanking. When the Bible speaks of a “rod” it is talking about a stick used to discipline sheep. A comparative tool for a child would be a switch of a tree (no more than ¼ inch wide), or a wooden spoon. “Beat” means a simple spanking that does no permanent, or even long term damage. Marks should never last more than a few hours.

“The fool hath said in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good” Psalms 14:1

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15

My child’s natural tendency towards sin and rebellion is the result of his denial of authority, his belief that he won’t get caught or punished for his actions or attitude (“There is no God.”) If I am diligent to calmly spank my child for every sign of rebellion, he will come to the conclusion that there is authority that must be obeyed; there is a God.

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Proverbs 13:24

Since I don’t hate my child, but love him dearly, I will be diligent to discipline him correctly with self-control as soon as the offence is committed.

“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” Proverbs 23:13,14

If I do not spank my child (in a controlled, none angry manner), he will die the ultimate death; he will be separated from God forever. But if I am diligent to train him to obey, I place him squarely on the course to heaven. I cannot make the decision to serve God for him, but I can make that decision much easier and more natural for him to make for himself.

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 29:15

A child carefully trained does not bring shame but pride to his parents. This training must be consistent. Every sign of rebellion or any other wrong attitude must be dealt with immediately and completely. I should have a gentle, cheerful attitude while training my child, but be swift to apply the “Board of Education” to the “Seat of Knowledge” whenever necessary. When I do this without fail, every time, my child learns that it is not worth it to be naughty. He will choose to be happy and obedient. The result for my family is that once the initial training is over with, there will seldom be a need for further discipline and we can spend the vast majority of our time together in happiness and peace.

“Then will I visit their transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with stripes.” Psalms 89:32

God is our example of a good parent. He carefully disciplines those who are His children. He does it not to vent His anger, but in such a way as to bring about the maximum righteousness in my life.

“But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.” Hebrews 12:8

In the same way that God’s punishments and training shows that I am loved, my discipline of my child shows that I care enough about him to bother teaching him right from wrong.



The Call of Singleness and Childlessness

God has different callings for each life. Though He calls most people to marry and have children, He does call some to singleness and to barrenness.

• Singleness allows me to focus all my attention on serving God.

“But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:33

Singleness allows me to be a sold out servant of God without the cares of a family.

This life may be difficult to accept, but will bring immense rewards if I do so cheerfully and willingly.

• The lack of children born into my home does not mean God is punishing me anymore than He was punishing Sarah with barrenness. It may mean He has other ministries for me to do that require more of my time and energy than children would allow. My barrenness may be for a season or for life, but God will comfort my empty arms if I allow Him to.

Sometimes barrenness is simply a result of living in a fallen world. I need to earnestly pray and see if God wants me to seek a medical solution or if He has a different plan for my life. He may wish me to adopt little ones already here in need of a solid Christian home. Or He may want me to devote my life to an area of ministry that would leave me no time for children, as He did Paul. I must pray for guidance and His will in my life.