Teaching sharing

I witnessed what I guess was a modern miracle this Christmas. We didn’t have one fight over toys. Actually, this is normal here. My children willingly share their things without me having to tell them to. How did I accomplish this? Well, not by teaching sharing.


“Sharing” is not a skill; it is the natural result of a Godly love for your brother plus security in your property rights.


If my neighbor wanted to borrow my vacuum cleaner, I have the legal right to tell her no if I want to. No police man will make be “play nice” and give it to her, even for a minute. Also, she can’t come into my home and take my vacuum cleaner without my permission or I can have her arrested. If I do loan it to her and she breaks it, I can sue her and get money to replace it. This is true property ownership rights. Anything less is socialism and a violation of my rights.


If she had the right to take my vacuum without my permission or to get a policeman to give it to her, I would have to result to hiding it or even punching her in the nose to protect my rights.


Why would it be different for my children?


Any child may, in my home, not allow any other child to borrow his belongings of any kind if he doesn’t want to. I will not make him share (the only exception is if a six month baby happens to get a toy, they have to trade with her instead of just taking their toy away. Babies have to learn yet). If one child takes any belonging without permission they will be punished for stealing. If they break a toy they borrowed, they will pay for it or replace it with something of their own of equal value (“equal value” is decided by the victim child with mom’s approval so this is not abused). My children have absolute confidence their rights will be enforced so they don’t have to worry about protecting their own stuff from others (though they do have to take care of it, but that is another subject:-)


The rule in our home at all times is “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.” No, I don’t apply this to loaning toys. I apply it to teasing. I do not allow any words in any tone that will hurt, because words hurt MORE than sticks and stones. Broken bones and bruises heal. Words often don’t. Because of this policy, my children don’t have wounds caused by the cruel words of their siblings; they are free to honestly love each other.


Add to all this that children who whine for toys are corrected for ungratefulness. I mean, isn’t it ridiculously unthankful for a child, just after opening all their presents, to turn around and demand their sibling’s presents too?

The results are that on Christmas morning my children opened their presents, expressed gratitude for them, admired their siblings’ gifts, but didn’t whine for them. Their was a couple of cases later in the day of “May I play with x?” which was responded with “sure” or “if I can play with Y.” We even had a couple of cases of “Hey, [brother] come play with me and my new x!”


Treat the roots and the tree will be fine.