How to have a baby

(Really, this is a silly title. If you are pregnant, you will have a baby whether anyone every gives you instruction or not. Your body will go into labor by itself and push the baby out by itself eventually. Why do we need instructions?)

Ok, so you are pregnant. Congratulations! This is such an exciting time of life. You are, with God’s help, creating a human being- an eternal soul. This is something less than half of the human race can do. Only a fertile woman of childbearing age can be pregnant.

We have all seen the TV shows and movies of women in labor. They are in intense pain and need to be rescued by the medical staff and saved from this condition. Did you know American women rate the pain of labor far higher than women in other countries? We are taught from childhood that it is horribly painful; so much so that we need modern medicine in order to survive it. Reality fulfills our expectations.

The truth is that God designed the woman’s body to give birth. Women have been giving birth, without modern medicine, for thousands of years. They have been very successful, too. Look at the rate of population increase! Birth is a perfectly natural, though miraculous, bodily function. If you can poop without help, you can probably birth without help. They both use the same muscles.

There are two schools of thought. The first and the one we are most familiar with in America, is the Medical Model. This model of childbirth trusts technology more than nature. It believes that anything can go wrong with nature and we need to be saved by the doctor. (Just listen to our vocabulary; “the doctor who delivered my baby…..” Excuse me?! YOU delivered your baby. YOU did the work. All he did was catch.) This school of thought believes birth is an emergency and a medical event.

The other school of thought is the Natural Model. This method says woman have been having babies for thousands of years without the help of doctors. Birth is natural. Most of the time a woman can birth without any help whatsoever. The only reason to have anyone around at all is for the very small chance you need a little help (such as cutting a tight cord at the last minute to allow the baby to finish being born). Women are strong and capable of doing this powerful, miraculous thing.

I very much believe in traditional roles in marriage and the home and am very “retro” in many ways. I would be called a male chauvinist if I were a man. But I am going to sound down-right feminist here; the Medical Model is the MAN’S way of birthing. It denies the inner power of women and, frankly, steals this one, completely female thing from us. Birth and breastfeeding are two things that only women can do. No man is capable of accomplishing this. (Yes, I know a “man” recently gave birth. That “man” was born with two x chromosomes and a womb. She had been mutilated by surgery to look male, but she was still a woman who carried a baby in her own womb.) Our culture has replaced breast milk with formula and robbed women of this very womanly thing. And in birth, we have done everything possible to make it something any man can do, too. 30% of American babies are born through the surgery called a c-section. Now, there are times when, because of “Adam’s fall,” this is necessary, but it is only about 5% of the time. I am woman! Hear me roar (which usually happens about 15 minutes before the baby arrives:-)!

Now how to actually get baby here.

First of all, how long is a pregnancy? Doctors will tell you 40 weeks, but they start pushing induction at 38 weeks. Most babies are developed enough that they can safely be born that early (meaning they can breath on their own. We don’t know what mental damage is done by making a baby come before his time), but how do you know your baby is really ready? Sonograms have been known to be wrong and the rate of pre-mature births has skyrocketed since doctors began doing this. Your body really does know when to start labor. It is very rare for a baby to stay in too long. A woman’s body is perfectly capable, far more capable than some (usually male) doctor, of knowing when Jr is ready to make his appearance.

Many doctors are afraid of baby getting too big for mamma to birth. They don’t trust that God really made us big enough. The fact is that God made both mommy and baby. It is very, very rare for a baby to really be too big. God knows what He is doing. I have heard way too many stories of mammas being told they were too tiny to birth their baby and having a c-section, only to go on in a couple of years and birth a BIGGER baby naturally. The fact is that surgery is good for doctor’s (less lost law suits, more money, more control of their time, more ego trip for being the savior, etc.). It is seldom the best option for either mommy or baby.

Think about the primary male sexual organ. It has an immense change in size under the correct conditions. Guess what? God made women to have an even bigger change in the size of their primary sexual organ under the correct conditions (child birth). And just like the male organ going back to its normal size without any side affects, the female vagina returns to its pre-birth size.

We arrived at the 40-week number rather arbitrarily. A doctor in Germany decided that since pregnancy usually lasts roughly nine months, he would set the length at the nice neat “ten moons.” A moon is exactly four weeks, so forty weeks for pregnancy. No studies, just nice human mathematics. Since that time someone actually did a study of when babies come, on average, when left to themselves; forty-one weeks and one day! So when a doctor tells a woman she needs to be induced at forty weeks because her body obviously isn’t going to do it herself, he is jumping the gun. Its an estimated due date for goodness sake! Not an expiration date! Induction starts a cascade of events that leads to more and more interventions and more and more sick, injured and dead babies and mommies.

Now if the average is 41.1 weeks, and some babies are born at 37 weeks, naturally, perfectly full term, then there are many babies that naturally and healthfully are born much later. I heard of one woman who carried all ten of her babies for exactly ten months! Some babies just need more time to “bake.” We are all different. Why discuss this? Because about 38 weeks most women get VERY anxious to have their babies and are very susceptible to pressure to induce early. Doctors have no problem scaring mommy into complying, either; “your baby might DIE if we don’t do immediate surgery!” (with NO indication that anything is actually wrong) Honest, it is best for your baby and YOU to just wait until your own body tells you it is time.

What can you do while waiting? Have sex! Honest. 1) It relaxes you and keeps you in a good frame of mind. 2) The medicines some doctors use to start labor are progestaglandins. Midwives are known to use evening primrose oil, a natural progesteglandin to help the body get ready to birth (progestaglandins “ripen” the cervix and get it ready to open and thin.) The main chemical in sperm is…. progestaglandin.

When a doctor induces without using a progestaglandin, he uses pitocin- synthetic oxytocin (this is used in 80% of American births). Orgasm and nipple stimulation both cause the female body to release oxytocin. This chemical causes the uterus to contract and the heart to fall in love. The first will help you jump start labor (and I am telling you this because all women in the last month want to do anything to get this over with! I know. I have had eight babies!) Too much synthetic induction medications can cause uterine rupture; potentially fatal to both mommy and baby, plus it causes distress in the baby. Natural chemicals can’t be overdosed! No matter how much sex you have, you won’t go into labor until baby is ready- but it is fun trying!

The fact is that no drug has been FDA approved for use during labor, including artificial hormones used to induce and painkillers. ALL drugs go through the placenta to the baby and can cause distress and even death in the baby. No amount of pain relief in mommy is worth that.

I won’t beat around the bush: I whole-heartedly believe most babies and mommies would be better off birthing at home. You are already immune to the germs in your own home and are passing on that immunity to your child. Hospitals are where sick people go and are by no means sterile. The stress of being in the strange place can cause complications in pregnancy. The security of being home speeds labor. Midwives trust nature and God’s design. Doctors trust their own skills and technology. Midwives are trained to PREVENT complications. Doctors are trained to TREAT them. The safest countries in the world to have a baby, have 80% of their babies caught by midwives and 50% of their moms birthing at home. For more information, go to here.Now if you are one of the 10% of women that truly are too high risk to safely birth at home, be thankful we do have that hospital technology available, but try to stay as close to natural as possible for the babies health.

How to handle early labor: move. Walk, rock in a chair, dance, bake cookies, etc. any low level activity is good (don’t shampoo the living room rug like I did before one baby! You will get too tired.) The moving around helps your pelvis to spread and gravity to pull your baby down. DON’T go to the hospital.

Most women do have pain in birth to some degree or another. Women who have had kidney stones and have given birth say the kidney stones win for sheer pain, hands down. A few lucky women actually have painless labor (and I have even heard of orgasmic birth!) Studies have shown that women birthing in hospitals need half as much pain medication if they have a doula (professional birth attendant). The doula (and the midwife in a birthing center or home) helps the woman breath through contractions, try different positions, move around, whatever her training and experience tells her might help. At home, you are free to do whatever you want while waiting for baby to get here. Distraction really helps.

In my eight births, I had two that were nearly painless, one closer to it than the other. In these births, I didn’t try to control the contractions, but accepted them and moved into them. The best analogy I can think of is a day playing in the ocean. Imagine you are just out in the water before the waves break, so they are just swells. You are deep enough that between swells the water comes up to your waist. In the middle of a wave the water is over your head. There are two ways to handle this. You could brace your feet on the floor of the ocean and turn your shoulder into the wave and fight back (but the water will cover your head and occasionally wipe you off of your feet and will leave you exhausted,) or you can yield to the water and let it lift you up. You could even jump up just as it comes up on you, giving you another boost. This second way is how I handled the pain in my least painful (and fastest) births. I yielded to the wave of contractions. I even tried to reach out and find more pain (the more pain, the sooner I get to hold my baby, right?) In one, I didn’t even know I was in transition (the most intense part of labor) until I was through it and pushing. The pain is not your enemy. It is your friend, bringing you one minute closer to holding your baby. Just think about one contraction at a time, not how many more you may have to face. Just this one. It will never come again and you will never have to deal with it again. And really, it isn’t like American women aren’t accustomed to pain. Let me just say…high heeled shoes, bikini waxing, corsets, plucking facial hair, ear piercing…..

And once the baby is born, the worst of the pain is gone. Oh, there is still the after pains (similar to early labor but more spaced out) whenever baby nurses the first few days. And if you tore or had an epesiotomy you might have pain with it for a few days to a couple of weeks. C-section pain lasts longer according to women who have had both. You also might have a little nipple soreness as your skin toughens up (but if it HURTS to nurse, call your midwife or a lactation consultant (check out La Leche League) because something is wrong.) but the worst of your pain is over and gone and now you get to play with the baby.

It is a well-known fact that mammals need privacy and security to birth. If they don’t have these, their body will release adrenalin and prevent labor from starting or proceeding. Humans are mammals. This is why homebirths need fewer interventions and have less pain. You feel safer and more secure at home than in a place where everyone is a stranger and wearing a mask and speaking a foreign language (medical-ese). But if you are going to birth in a hospital, wait as long as possible to go. It will give your body more time to get in birthing mode and less time for interventions.

While in labor, move, stay upright as much as possible, dance (Seriously. The movement of swaying hips helps baby move down.) laugh (releases endorphins which dull pain and loosen muscles), make out with your hubby (remember that oxytocin?), make noise (many women find this helps. Just keep the noises in the low register. High-pitched noises such as screaming, trigger the fight or flight reflex, releasing adrenalin. Low noises trigger the instinct to relax. Think “Moooooooo”)

Don’t push before your body tells you to unless there is a very good reason (I had one birth where we had a cord trying to prolapse and needed baby out NOW. I began pushing 15 minutes before I felt like it for that one). Generally, don’t push until you can’t not push. Doing so will cause your cervix to swell just like your thumb when hit with a hammer.

Pushing is most effective in the same positions that pooping is effective in. In other words, squat. Use a birth stool if you can. This position narrows and widens the pelvis giving baby the most room and the shortest distance possible to come out. Hands and knees is good too, as it also enlarges the birth canal. Flat on your back is second only to hanging upside down from the chandelier for complicating delivery. When you are flat on your back, not only is your birth canal longer and narrower, but your spine is pushed up into your birth canal as much as four inches, further decreasing space. And you are working against gravity.

Doctors tell you to hold your breath and purple-face-push. Most midwives tell you to breathe the baby out. Do what your body tells you to. I have had two where I didn’t need to push; my body just did it for me. Many women find it helpful to put their hand over their vagina and aim for it. In fact, many women catch their own babies this way.

After baby is born, put him put on mommy’s bare chest. This not only gives baby the warmth he needs at just the right temperature, he recognizes her smell. Birth is a traumatic event for baby and he needs the comfort of mommy’s smell and voice. He will recognize both. Mommy should talk to baby immediately. Her voice stimulates him. Baby will also instinctively and involuntarily match mommy’s breathing pattern in this position.

Mommy should try to nurse as soon as possible. First, baby eating will help prevent dangerous drops in blood-sugar (though don’t be too concerned if he just isn’t interested. Some babies are so fascinated by the new world they just entered, that they can’t think about such mundane things as eating.) Second, remember what happens with nipple stimulation? It releases oxytocin which causes the uterus to contract. When you cut yourself, you put pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding, right? Uterine contractions do the same thing to your uterus, preventing hemorrhage. Oxytocin also releases hormones that cause a mommy to fall in love.

Once baby has had a meal, looked around, got to know mommy and daddy, it is probably time to cut the cord. That’s right, it shouldn’t be cut sooner. Early cutting can cause jaundice and even anemia. Also the cord is giving baby oxygen while he is still figuring out how to use his lungs (I have heard of babies who didn’t breathe for as much as twenty minutes after birth even with CPR, but who were fine because the cord kept them in oxygen.)

Keep baby with mommy at all times. This isn’t possible in the hospital as they have policies and procedures. This is one great advantage on home birth; baby stays with mom even while he is being evaluated and tested. If you must birth in a hospital, do everything possible to keep baby with you as much as possible. It is better for him to have the comfort of your voice and breathing near by.