Friday, July 17, 2009

Types of government:

ANARCHISM: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both cows. The government sells the milk in government stores.

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbor.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

INDUSTRIALISM: You have two cows. You dissect them both and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. To register them, you fill in 17 forms in triplicate. Then the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

LIBERALISM: You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to the poor.

PROTECTIONISM: You have two cows. You can't buy a bull from another country.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Just for Fun:

ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.

COMMUNISM: CUBAN: You no longer have any cows. They sailed to Miami. You still have no milk - but you do have Fidel.

COMMUNISM: "PURE": You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. Well, maybe the local bully gets more, or a few neighbors band together to kill you so that there is more milk for everyone else.

COMMUNISM: SOVIET: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Then the government sends you to prison.

COMMUNISM: CAMBODIAN: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

COMMUNISM: CHINESE - MAO STYLE: You have two pigs. The government launches a campaign to convince you to donate them voluntarily to provide meat for workers in the city. The government then declares that people don't need pigs to make pork. Quoting the correct phrases from your little red book, you and your neighbors try to create pork from sheer willpower. Your local party leader reports that you have exceeded all expectations. Your neighbors starve.

SOCIALISM: BUREAUCRATIC: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

BUREAUCRACY: EUROPEAN UNION: You have two cows. The EU loses one cow, milks the other and then spills the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the cows win.

EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows. You sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.

REDISTRIBUTIONISM: You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.

CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate.

CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

2 comments:

  1. Great post and mostly spot on. One little adjustment. Any good Feng Shui Master would tell you that, if the Feng Shui was bad, killing the cows would make it much, much, worse.

    Hong Kong's best Feng Shui solution would have been to move the cows to a more auspicious pasture.

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