Saturday, July 04, 2009

We cannot continue to be surprised…

…When we run our marriages like the heathens and end up with the same divorce rate as heathens do.

The worldly way to run a marriage is for the partners to be “equal.” The truth is though, that this is impossible. If men and women were identical it might be, but they are not. What generally happens is that the woman rules the roost because the man knows if she doesn’t get her way he doesn’t get what he needs (sex.) so in the average “equal” marriage the woman is the boss, (my observation: tyrant). The results of this are that both parties feel used and abused and spend the whole marriage trying to make sure they get their share and get their needs met.

The Bible shows a different way.

First of all, if we would just follow the command from Jesus to “love your neighbor as yourself” we would have better marriages. Imagine a marriage where both people spent their energy making sure their partner’s needs were met. Or let’s go a step farther, a marriage where each person “spoke” only love with their actions, attitudes, and facial expressions.

Let me ask, if Jesus came into your house with sore, tired feet, would you sit down and rub them for Him? Jesus said “Whatsoever you do unto the least of theses my brethren, you do it unto Me.” When you rub your hubby’s feet or bring your wife her favorite drink you are credited in heaven as if you did it to Jesus.

Now, we aren’t any of us perfect so our “godly” marriage will have times of one partner acting selfishly. How do we handle that? Do we make sure they know they were wrong and that they can’t treat us that way? That wouldn’t be a very godly response, now, would it? Jesus said to “turn the other cheek” and to “pray for those who despitefully use you.” Paul said to “…let each esteem others better than themselves.” (Philippians 2:3) This is how we should respond to our flawed spouse.

Now, the Bible is plain that the man is the head of the household. VERY plain. Does this mean he has a right to be a bully? Of course not. The above verses alone would rule that out. But the verses that talk about the man being the head also talk about the man loving his wife as much as Christ loved the church.

Jesus loved the church so much that he chose to die the most tortuous method of execution ever invented by humankind, even though He didn’t want to. He did what His “bride” needed because He loved her so much. This is how a man is to act towards his wife. (This means occasionally doing something she wants to do even if he hates it, among other things.)

The Bible says that Christ is working to present to Himself a bride “without spot or wrinkle.” Spots are sin. A man who sees his wife heading into sin needs to lovingly point it out and direct her towards God. He is responsible for her spiritual health (making the note that no one can force anyone to obey God. It must come from the heart.) A wrinkle happens when something is unused. A man is to make sure his wife uses her God-given talents.

The Bible also says that the woman is to submit herself to her husband just like she submits to Christ. You don’t do this because your husband deserves it (which he doesn’t because no human does) but because God told you to. You see, when you disobey your hubby you are disobeying a direct command of God.

Let me put it this way: you are going out to dinner and you higher a babysitter for your children. You tell them to obey her while you are gone. When you get home, you find out that they were little terrors doing nothing she told them to. The fact is your children disobeyed you as much or more than they did the babysitter. When you disobey your hubby, you disobey God, too.

I have seen women who said they obeyed their hubby except where he was wrong. This isn’t obedience; it’s agreeing. And doing what you are told while grumping and procrastinating is passive aggression. Obedience is when you cheerfully and promptly do what is asked of you.

This is actually a very freeing attitude to have. It means you have the power to obey God and be happy without having to depend on the attitude, wisdom or godliness of your hubby. Even if your hubby or wife is not saved, if you treat him like the Bible tells you to you are credited for doing it to Jesus. It doesn’t’ matter what your mate’s response is.

Why did God make things this way?
First of all, marriage is a symbol of God’s relationship with the church. God has a plan and the church is to help Him achieve it. God gives a man an assignment (such as “raise godly children, be the best construction worker possible, run a store, be a missionary or farmer) and his wife is to help him complete it (much as a top notch secretary helps her boss take the company into the fortune 500. Both boss and secretary are highly intelligent and capable people each with their own job to do to achieve their common goal). God loves the church enough to die for her. The church is to obey God. Man is to love his wife enough to die for her. The wife is to obey her hubby. When the world looks at a godly marriage, it should see God’s love and the church’s devotion.

Secondly, God designed us this way for our own survival and comfort. A man has the instinct to fight and compete. This makes him able to hunt, farm, work…conquer the world! When his wife “stands up to him” his instinctive response is to fight back. So a woman who fights for her rights has a fight on her hand even if hubby actually agrees with her. Weird but true.

But this same man also has the instinct to protect those weaker than himself. So a wife who doesn’t fight but presents herself as his helper will find herself “protected” right up onto a throne of adoration.

A woman has the instinct to nurture. This is to insure that babies get fed and cared for. It also insures that the elderly, ill and handicapped get cared for. The problem comes in when the woman views her hubby as either a baby or the enemy instead of her teammate. A babied man becomes a baby. A man treated like an enemy becomes an enemy. A man treated like an admired boss becomes a protector, provider and friend.

A man who unconditionally loves his wife and follows the Bible’s command to provide for and protect her, will find himself with a devoted woman who knows she can depend on him and admire him. Her instinct will encourage her to follow him as the best way to achieve her goals of nurturing the weak.

Now, imagine a church full of couples who treat each other in the biblical way. There would be no need for divorce and

What a light to the world!


  1. That was very well written. I just started following your blog (through my google reader) and LOVE it! :)

  2. Welcome!
    And thank you very much:-)


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