Sunday School and Youth Groups

This has been the only issue that has brought response to my last post (I have more than one blog and post the identical posts in them all. So if you don’t see other responses than your own, this is why.)

There are some very good Sunday School programs and youth groups out there. The leaders are sincere and are honestly trying to lead the children into a life long love of Christ. However, we are loosing our children. More that 80% of children raised in Christian homes will leave the church at age 18. Obviously these programs aren’t doing what they are supposed to do; prepare our children for adult Christian life. Many, many children that are “on fire for God” in their childhood or teens transfer that energy and devotion to work or hobbies in adulthood.

What is the purpose of these programs in the first place? The original Sunday school was founded by John Wesley to teach the children of NO BELIEVERS how to read and love God. Believer’s children were not allowed! They were expected, at that time, to teach their own children about God. By the turn of the last century Sunday school had morphed into a program to lead Christian children to the Lord as well as teach them what they need for adulthood while still trying to bring in and save the un-churched children. Is this the way the Bible says to do things?

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7


Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 11:18


And, ye fathers (Greek word pater from which we get our word parents), provoke your children to wrath (to rouse to wrath, to provoke, exasperate, anger) not: but bring them up in the nurture (education) and admonition (instruction, training, or culture) of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Who does God command to teach children about Him? The parents. Can they have help? Certainly… within the framework of God’s methods.

Most children’s programs take the training away from the parents, even teaching the children different beliefs than the parents have (I have had this happen to me. Minor doctrinal issues and a few biggies that I had to un-teach after churchL) Parents bring their children to Sunday school and youth meetings and think they have done their job spiritually. Some studies have shown that children raised this way are the ones leaving the church in such high numbers. Children that attend churches with no youth groups or Sunday schools are staying in church to the tune of more than 60% (add in homeschooling and the number jumps to more than 90%)

Why?
1. God is capable of speaking to our children without our pastor’s help. We don’t need a high priest anymore. We can go straight to God ourselves and that includes our children. Children treated like adults by being left with the adults to worship like adults will grow up with an adult faith.
2. When we do things different than God’s plain spoken will, God will not bless it. There was a time when every believing family had devotions at breakfast and supper time everyday. Then came TV. Now we “don’t have the time. And anyway, their youth leader/Sunday school teacher is doing that stuff.” It is the church’s responsibility to teach the parents and the parent’s responsibility to teach the children. Doing it God’s way makes the parents learn better and faster, bonds the family together and has more lasting results.
3. Children’s programs remove the father from headship over the children. In fact, since most of these programs are staffed by women, it feminizes them making our boys see religion as a “girl thing.” No wonder our churches are now mostly women! Children who grow up having family devotions, learning the Word at the feet of their father and worshiping with their families have a more realistic view of God’s relationship to the church. They also grow up knowing how important God and the bible is.

Can these programs produce godly adults? Yes. I attended public school and stayed in church too. That doesn’t mean it was the ideal or most effective way to do things.

What about new converts who don’t know enough to teach their children? It doesn’t’ take a theology degree to read a chapter out of the bible and pray each evening. We teach new converts that they should come to church regularly and tithe. We just need to add “read your bible to your children every day.” The family can learn together.

What about children who come without their unsaved parents? They can be “adopted” during the duration of the service by one of the established families in the church. They can learn from the same sermons and songs as everyone else and be encouraged to start reading the bible daily for themselves (as we all should anyway).

Won’t the children disturb the service?

But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 19:14

When we exclude the children from “real” church, we are excluding the Kingdom Of Heaven. Very young children can be taught to sit still in service. After all, they are expected to sit still for the whole three hour kindergarten class and often sit through a two hour movies. They are capable of doing the same in church. They just have to be taught (mine are in the “main” church from birth. Yes they make noise occasionally, but they learn very early to be still and quiet. It just takes teaching). Additionally, the congregation needs to become more tolerant. Children are part of God’s kingdom too.

I have kind of mixed up family devotions with Family Integrated Churches here. It seems people can’t do one without the other. Those who attend a Family Integrated Church tend to have devotions while I have seldom met a family who endorses Sunday School programs and youth groups who did the devotions thing. When parents abdicate their responsibility by sending their children to Sunday School programs and youth groups, they seem to trust those programs to do everything. I am sure there are exceptions, but I have seldom seen them.

For an article I wrote on Family Integrated Churches some years ago; http://homeschoolwwh.com/bible/faminteg.html

Bro. Baucham’s bog entries on the subject:
http://www.voddiebaucham.org/Blog/267E5D26-839E-4A82-8F9F-E050A8637544.html

What is your most important goal for your children?

Be careful answering that! The first time I did I had to do some quick back tracking. Surveys have said that 80% of CHRISTIAN parents answer that question “to give them a good education.” Let me repeat that… Surveys have said that 80% of CHRISTIAN parents answer that question “to give them a good education.” (I have to admit that the first time I heard the question, that is how I answered it too).

What happened to heaven? Shouldn’t a CHRISTIAN parent’s first answer be “to get them to heaven?”
I have read many books on child raising, especially getting your children to stay in church serving God. Most of them have logical sounding arguments. However I am in a unique position to evaluate all of them. I was raised in a Christian home and three out of two of the children my parents raised are not only still in church but in the ministry (my older half- brother is also a minister, though he was raised in his mother’s house; not ours) I know what works.

How to keep your kids with God.

Don’t be a hypocrite. Be real. This is the number one thing my parents did that was right. They made no bones about it that they believed the Bible to be absolutely true and they LIVED it to the best of their ability.
Laugh. We enjoyed being together in work or play. My parents weren’t overly critical and did forgive when we did wrong. We had fun.

Talk. My parents always explained what was going on and why they made the decisions they made. They discussed politics, religion, morals and life in general with us. (Note: we spent a great deal of time together to allow this to happen.)

Now, my parents are human and things could have been done that I think would have made it easier to stay in church and would have made us stronger Christians.

Homeschool. You wouldn’t send your child to an Islamic school for their education without expecting them to become Muslims. If you send your child to an atheist (government) school they will become atheists. Most private schools are just baptized government schools. Some even use the same curriculum.

Don’t let them be in a youth group. Avoid age integrated activities. Peer pressure is too powerful to resist.

Don’t let them learn to bend to the power of popular. Yes, this means Sunday School too.
Limit or, better yet, avoid the modern media culture. TV, movies, etc. are just hedonist school. they teach you to be shallow and selfish.

Read the Bible, sing, pray together. Show with your time what is really important to you. How much time do you spend watching tv every day? How about hobbies and sports? Shopping? Shouldn’t you spend at least 15 minutes a day you’re your King if He is really the most important thing in your life? If you want Him to be in your child’s life too, make sure you make it a priority for their time too. Have family Bible reading time daily.


PLEASE READ THESE. These women have a great deal of wisdom and are on the right track for solving the problem of the hemorrhaging of our children from church.

This blog discusses what I think is one of the biggest causes of problems with our children today.
http://ccostello.blogspot.com/2007/12/quality-time.html

This one is about God’s unique plan for women.
http://terrysoapbox.blogspot.com/2007/12/can-we-start-by-being-honest.html


People are wasting valuable years of their life and living in never-never land.
http://ccostello.blogspot.com/2007/04/wasting-time-in-relationships-that-lead.html
http://terrysoapbox.blogspot.com/2007/10/living-in-neverland.html

Miracles do happen.

I woke up at 1:00am having contractions. They didn’t feel quite right, so I assumed they were Braxton Hicks (practice contractions). I alternated walking and laying down, praying they would stop so I could get some sleep.

About 3:00 I “felt the call of nature” and while finishing up there felt “something” at the opening to the birth canal. It was smooth and the size of a babies head. I am afraid I sort of panicked! I woke Andy and called the midwife and my mom. After everyone was on the way, I realized it couldn’t be the baby’s head since the water hadn’t broke yet. It must be the water bag formed like a water balloon.

Everyone arrived by 4:30, my parents took the older children to their house, and M and A (the assistant) set up for the birth. They checked the baby’s heart beat and it was 140, very good. M did an internal and said the baby was still high, but I was almost dilated.

I felt the need to walk. I have never felt that strong of the need to move around before. Strange how each birth is different and how our bodies can communicate to us.

Again the call of nature (almost 5:00am). Just as I sat down, the water broke. They got me into the other room and checked the heartbeat. 70 beats per minute. VERY not good. M did another internal and I have read enough midwife material to know what she would find (head high, then water breaks)- cord prolapse.

This is not a fun complication (as if any of them are). 200 years ago it meant the death of nearly every child it happened to.

What happens in a normal birth is the head engages with and presses on the cervix, then the water breaks. The head keeps the cord up by the body where it can continue to supply Little One with oxygen. With a cord prolapse, the head is still high when the water breaks and the cord washes down past the head. Gravity then pulls the head down onto the cord cutting off the baby’s oxygen. In the hospital this now means an immediate emergency c-section with good survival rate for the babies. At a home birth this means transport to the hospital and a c-section. Thankfully, this is a rare complication and most midwives will never see one. Mine has had the misfortune of seeing four now, in twenty years of practice.

M had me flip to the face and knees position and she held Baby’s head up off the cord.

“Time to pray and make decisions.”

I was already adjusting to the idea I was going to have major surgery in less than an hour.

Andy prayed for wisdom for all of us.

M said “Let me try…” and fiddled around. “The cord just went back up!” She had pushed it back up where it belonged! We listened to the heartbeat…140; back to normal.

“Are we going to the hospital or do we push this baby out now?”

“We are going to push.” said Andy. I pray during all of my pregnancies for Andy and the midwife to have wisdom and I determine I will do whatever they say, trusting God to tell them what we need to do.
M helped me off of our daybed and onto a birthing stool, checking the heart beat every 30 seconds. It stayed at 140.

I pushed from the top and M moved the cervix from the bottom. I don’t know how long it took and it was a lot of pain but the cervix moved and I was soon pushing just like a normal birth.

“The head is crowning.”

I pushed it out but something was wrong. In a normal birth you push the head out, then feel a relief at the neck. Another push and the shoulders come out followed by the rest of baby. In a breech, you push the body out (which feels like it takes forever!) then the rest of the neck, and then the head. This time, I pushed the head out but felt no relief at all. We had what is called Shoulder Dytocia. The shoulders were wedged behind my pubic bones. Baby was stuck! Doctors in hospitals have no more tools than a midwife at this point. It is too late for a c-section and no drugs will help. There are a half dozen maneuvers that can be tried and usually will un-stick Little One, but babies do die from this. You have less than two minutes before brain damage begins.

M kept repeating “Push your baby out Betty.” while she began on the list of maneuvers. Usually the top shoulder is born first and the midwife will try to maneuver it out first. If that doesn’t work (which it didn’t this time) she tries to get the bottom shoulder out first. That is what worked.

Jane Kathleen, 10.8 pounds, was born at 5:37 after 37 minutes of pushing. She was blue and white and had trouble figuring out how to breathe for a few seconds, but since the cord was now pumping to beat the band she is fine. In fact, at three weeks she is already learning to smile.

There were five people at this birth: Me, Andy, M the midwife, A her assistant, and God. He is so good to us and had His hand on my baby the whole time.

Announcing

The arrival of Jane Kathleen
October 10, 2007
10.8 pounds, 22 inches

Mother and baby are fine.

Women in the Ministry

Very thought provoking and un-politically correct article. Remember Paul tells women not to teach men, and Titus 2 tells older women to teach younger women to be “love their hubbys, love their children, be keepers at home.” This is a ministry. One not being done in way too many homes (even ones with stay at home moms often don’t see it as a ministry.) :-(

http://www.mfth.org/publication.html?ID=126&pagename=mfthjournal&phrase=women%20in%20ministry

This is not to say I don’t see a place for women in the church leadership. Our own church has a “women’s pastor.” She is a woman responsible for shepherding the females in our church, something not appropriate for our senior pastor to do directly (The “women’s pastor” is the senior pastor’s wife.) There are other places a woman can work also. But I whole heartedly believe that the most important thing a woman can do for God is minister ato her family; show God’s love to her children and hubby by providing a little bit of heaven on earth for them. If we don’t, who will?

No Greater Joy

This is the link to the company that sells the book “To Train Up a Child” I mentioned yesterday. The authors are ministers and parents of five grown children (I have lost count of how many grandchildren, LOL). Mrs. Pearl has written an excellent book on a woman’s role in the world, especially marriage. It has saved many marriages. I recommend their products so much our church now sells them in our store (www.breadoflife.com/store/store.html).

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/

Stake those tomatoes

Today I am posting one of my two favorite resources about child rearing. My other favorite is Michael Pearl’s To Train up a Child.

This is called Raising Godly Tomatoes. How can one tomato be more godly than another? Actually, the team refers to the author’s child rearing method of “tomato staking” her children. When you grow tomatoes you tie them close to a stake so they will grow up right. The stake keeps them from getting wild. So to “tomato stake a child you “tie” (not literally) them to your hip, keep them with you at all times, so you can catch any misbehavior immediately and correct it. The method does work.

Unfortunately, many parents, even when home with there children all day, have no idea what those children are up to. If you are with them constantly (tomato stacked) you can see bad attitudes and habits begin and stop them before they become ingrained. It really is the best way to insure you have likable children when they are grown.

This woman has a great deal of other advise that is very good and worth the time to read.

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/index.html

Midwives and books

Midwife says I am definitely diabetic, though most likely gestational. I have already changed my eating and seen a difference in baby’s behavior and how I feel. We are confident that we are still early enough to reverse and potential damage. Little one is active and his heart rate is now normal.

Children have gotten out all the costumes and dress-up clothes. It makes the house a mess, but is keeping them entertained while I get some writing done.

Speaking of writing, my Proverbs 31 book, “Rubies, Silk and Chocolate Covered Peanuts” is done except for the cover picture. I hope to get it printed before Christmas. I write much faster and better while prego, especially this last month. I am hoping to have the health book done by baby time or soon after. Than I can concentrate on the relations book (still unnamed).

Broken arms

Well let’s see…my four year old broke her arm two weeks ago Thursday. She cried very little and has asked for very little pain medicine. She didn’t even flinch when they put the needle in for the anesthetic. She cried a little after they reset it (she was almost “under” but not quite. It is safer to keep the patient just barely awake, though disoriented.) They just put a splint on for the first week to make sure all the swelling was gone. She got her real cast Friday. It is bright yellow, her favorite color. It is the first yellow one the doctor has ever put on. The x-ray showed very little crack.

How did I know it was broke? Arms aren’t supposed to bend there!
God is so good! Not only has He kept my baby from hurting much, He told the one due in October to turn breech the night before it all happened. Why is this a good thing? When you have had seven babies, they settle pretty low in the pelvis and it hurts. If I had spent four hours in the hospital with a head down baby standing and sitting in uncomfortable chairs, they would have needed a wheelchair to get me out the door. Because he was breech I not only was not in pain and was walking, I could still take care of her when we got home. Baby turned back vertex Monday (and the pain returned).

All about me

Hmmm, I have realized that I have never really told you about myself, so here goes…
I was raised by my parents who pastored our church in a very populated/big city state for twenty-four years. I met the love of my life in high school and we married shortly after graduation. That was twenty-one years ago. We now have eight children: 15yo girl, 12yo boy, 9yo boy, 8yo boy, 6yo girl, 4yo girl, 3yo girl and one due in October (no, we don’t know what we are having.) The first four were born in a hospital in that big city and the last three were born at home with a midwife.
My parents are now pastoring a new work here in this small town/rural area. My hubby is the assistant pastor. He also works full time in the construction industry.
We have homeschooled from the start. I found out about it when my oldest was a baby and spent a lot of time studying it before she was school age. I am totally convinced it is the only way to go.
Our school is an eclectic, one-room school house type. We do the “content” subjects together. These are the subjects that it doesn’t really matter what order you do them in. for example; you can learn American history before ancient history if you want and no bad things will happen. These subjects are Bible, history, science, and some small special studies we have done.
“skill subjects” are ones that have to be learned in order. For example, you have to know how to add before you can multiply. You have to know your ABC’s before you can read Shakespeare. These I assign to each child independently. They do their work alone and I check it later.
This gives us time together and teaches independence at the same time. It works for usJ
Personally, I feel what I am doing now is the most important thing I will ever do with my life. But God put a time limit on a woman’s child bearing years and gives us a time afterward to do other things.
I will probably be starting herbalist school in the spring and in a couple of years when I am not needed at home so much I will train to be a midwife.
The herb school I will enroll in is run by Shonda Parker, a Christian herbalist. It is a correspondence school, so it will not interfere with my family. I am really looking forward to it.
I am now officially on maternity leave from Worship leader in our church. Hubby wants this to be a long one; possibly permanent. I will still do the children’s lesson in the morning service until baby is born. Then I think I will have my two older children do it. They need the skill of public speaking and I can’t think of a better way to get it for them.

the page for the herb school I am considering. http://www.naturallyhealthy.org/courseFAQ.htm

Here is a good article on modern birth inductions. Like, God forgot to tell a woman's body how to go into labor by itself! http://www.mothering.com/articles/pregnancy_birth/birth_preparation/inducing.html

Monty Python Clip

OK most of you all know that i am a home birth advocate. there is a time for hospitals, but only 5-10% of births need them. everyone else would be safer, yes, SAFER at home where there is less stress, mommy is already immune to the germs, the midwife stays in the room the whole time instead of popping in and out like a doctor, and techy "interventions" that cause complications (pitocin, cytotec, pain killers, stirrups, forceps, vacuums, etc.) are not available.

everytime i watch this video, i can't decide if i should laugh or cry. it is done by monty python. their humor is to take something normal and tweak it just barely enough to make it funny. this is a skit of a hospital birth and i am not sure they tweaked it enough (or at all) to not make it real. I have had four hospital births and three home births (#four will be this october). this clip is way too close to the truth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arCITMfxvEc

Child discipline is on my mind today for some reason.

I have seen many parents in fast foods and at parks who thought their small child's disobedience was normal or even cute. By the time the children are in their preschool years they aren't so cute, but the parents are bigger and act like they are long suffering martyrs and "anyway what can you do? this is the way children are."

I find this incredibly sad.

a child only behaves in the way they are taught to behave. If you give in to their whining, you have taught them that whining is the way to get what they want. If you ignore their disobedience you have taught them that obedience is unimportant. and the saddest thing of all, how a child responds to their parent is how they will respond to God as adults.
So look at your child. I mean really look at how they respond to you. would you want them to treat God that way? and more immediately, they won't grow out of any of these behaviors. what they are at two they will be more so at sixteen. Do you really want to deal with a teen that throws fits? It might be cute in a one year old, but a twenty year old????

God told children to obey their parents. parents are fallible, but God knew that when He gave the command. We parents are to teach them to obey us so they will obey God. If they don't obey us they are also disobeying God; they are sinning. It would make me tremble if my children behaved as some I see who throw fits and down right ignore their parents. What will God do to those children when they act that way to Him?
If your child behaves in an inappropriate way (whines, pitches a fit, ignores you, argues, does what you say but with a nasty attitude, grumbles, etc.) give them the opposite of what they want. Make it so uncomfortable for them to choose to behave badly that they will choose to behave correctly. and make no mistakes about it, obedience is a choice even in a small child.

For example, I saw a child throw herself on the floor kicking and screaming because she wanted more french fries. Her father just shrugged and said that is why they weren't having any more children. If I had been him (since this was in a private home and not out in public) I would have paddled her bottom (made her uncomfortable and got her attention) and taken away her hamburger. I would then have explained that the proper way to behave is to ask with a sweet spirit (she was four; more than old enough to understand). I would also watch carefully for any opportunity she gave me to praise politeness and good attitudes. It would only have taken two or three times to change that behavior.
Never, Never give a disobeying child what they want.

I do choose to spank because, when done with love and not in anger, it is the fastest most effective method of discipline. The event is over-with in a matter of minutes and life can go on, unlike corners, time outs and restrictions which make the child be the bad guy for an extended period of time. Spanking should never be done when the parent is angry. It should always be done solely for the child's benefit.

Just like God balances discipline with reward we should also. A hug or a thank you when a child is extra nice will go a long way. Just the "stick" approach will create rebellion. Just the "carrot" approach will create an entitlement attitude. You MUST have both.

Who should teach you?

This is an article I read many years ago but lost track of. It was recommended today on the MOMYS (mothers of many young siblings) loop. This woman has a lot of wise councel to offer. Can't wait until I have the time to read all her newsletters too:-)

http://www.themotherscompanion.org/newsletters/womantowomansample.php

Get rid of public school?

Here is an interesting question: why do we need public schools in the first place? This question is addressed in the LA Times article linked below, and it is a good question. literacy rates were higher before public school (99.8% compared to 85% today) despite large amounts of illiterate, poor immigrants from Ireland. Free market works in every other area in life. why not here?

Actually, the free market system is the most compassionate system in the world. you only get rewarded if you successfully meet other people's needs. for example, there was a need for cheaper groceries. some of us couldn't afford to eat. along comes the super wal-marts and suddenly our grocery bill drops 50%! Wal-mart makes a bundle and we can afford to eat AND buy clothes.I know many don't like some of wal-marts policies and practices, but the fact is if they were not meeting a need they would go bankrupt. simple as that. just mistreating your employees is not a good enough strategy to make a profit (honestly, all the employees I meet in there are happy and eager to help. kmart employees were always surly, and target employees are in between. I worked at target for six months and had a friend who worked at kmart. I can tell you that target is a better place to work. This makes me think those upset with wal-marts employee polices are either 1)disgruntled EXemployees or 2)those that lost their jobs at other stores because wal-mart put them out of business.)
Anyway, interesting article on getting rid of public schools.
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-goldberg12jun12,0,4683079.column?coll=la-opinion-rightrail

Thinking of staying home

I was pondering last night on reasons to be a homemaker.

First of all, my children are precious, innocent, eternal souls crafted by the Almighty Himself and trusted into my care. How cold I possibly entrust them to someone else!!??? No one can care for them like I can. No one loves them as much as I do nor knows them as well. This is the most important work I will ever do with my life. Oh I could have been a brain surgen, or politician, scholar, or anything else. But all those things put together don't equal the importance of molding these precious children into responsible citizens and worshipers at the feet of my God. This is my carrier.

Secondly, caring for my home is a dance of thanksgiving to God for providing us this home and at the same time a ministry to my hubby and children. Hubby works hard and needs a clean, pleasant place to rest, rejuvenate and recover in when he gets home. the better job i do providing that, the better job he can do at work providing for us and ministering to those God has place in his path there. My children also will grow up to be better people if they are surrounded by beauty and order. Now, I am by no means a perfect house keeper. far from it. but i am improving. and having older children helps. I have begun teaching all my children when very young to help out (chores) and they are now a tremendous help.

and thirdly, i am freer to help others when they need it. people's problems don';t always happen after business hours. I can be available to minister to others during the hours most people are too busy earning a buck.
Our society has lost a great deal by not valuing jobs that make no money. The fact is that it is the things done by the house wife that reduce stress, bring beauty, heal the body and soul, in short, make life worth living. two income families that i have known are always on the brink of nervous breakdown and disaster. I don't' want to live that way.

Men probably shouldn't read this

I don't think we women want them to know how much we understand:-)

This is in response to a comment I had on my last post.If you, a woman, truly want to be treated as an equal (or better)- submit.

God created man to respond to competition with competition. When you challenge, he instinctively responds by fighting you for control. But God also made him to be a protector. If you submit to him he will respond, instinctively, by protecting and PROMOTING you. He will begin to treat you like a princess and value your opinion more than ever before.

I have been married for twenty-one years to a wonderful man. We are both human and have had our ups and downs. But for the most part, it has been a great life. I was taught submission by my mother though she didn't put it in the words I have used above. I have always done the best I knew how to submit to my man.

However over the last few years I have read several books that challenged me to submit even more and in ways I never had before. The first result was the great sense of power I had. I was in control of whether I followed God and what mood I was in; my hubby's mood didn't matter. The empowerment to decide to cheerfully obey no matter what he did, was incredible. But what happened next was even more wonderful.

My man has always cared for me and done his best to supply for me. But when I notched the submission up, He totally flipped! He began to really talk to me, forgot everything bad I had ever done (I mean it! The other night he tried to tell me in total sincerity it had been more than a decade since we had had a disagreement, when I know for a fact the worst one of our marriage was only a couple of years ago! He has forgotten all about it!), brings me flowers, searched out a movie he knew I would enjoy though he wouldn't, spoils me rotten (or as much as our $$ will allow), and has gotten down right sappy-lovey! (You haven't lived until you have seen a 6'4" man being sappy:-) He has worked hard to improve every area of our lives I have always felt needed improving, but that he refused to do anything about before.

I am convinced that when God inspired Paul to write for women to submit to their hubby's He was not setting up an abusive master-slave relationship, but was giving us women the key to how to get everything we always really wanted. Of course if we "submit" in an attempt to get our way, it is not submission, it is manipulation. Men know the difference. Submission must come from the heart and be sincere.

As for scripture:

Eph 5:22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.Submit is from the Greek word hypotassō(hü-po-tä's-sō ) which means;put under, be subject unto, be subject to, submit (one's) self unto, submit (one's) self to, be in subjection unto, put in subjection under, misc(note: God does not tell men to make their women submit. It is not their business. This must come from the woman herself)If God doesn't want wives to follow the above scripture than He doesn't want men to follow the next verses;

Eph 5:25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (not nag the church and abuse it, but make it better through guidance and love) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it (the church/wife) should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church (so men should treat their wives): For we (the church) are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones (just as a wife is a part of her hubby's body). For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh (and he should treat her as he treats his own body). This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.You can't have it both ways. Either wives submit and hubby's love, or wives rule the roost (someone always ends up being boss) and hubby may use her as he pleases for his own pleasure with no thought to her.

This is a dirty little secret the feminists didn't tell us when they dumped submission; we also gave up sacraficial love.To love someone enough to die for them means to put their needs and wants ahead of your own; to die to yourself for their benefit. Christ died the most torturous method of execution man has ever come up with for our benefit. He gives all we need to become the best we can be and is patient, kind and gentle...always. This is often not taught in our churches, what God demands of men. It should be. It is not a hard thing at all to reverence and obey my man who loves me enough to die for me, care for me, give himself for me.

Col 3:18Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.The very next verse;

Col 3:19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.Again, if women shouldn't obey hubby, hubby needn't love wife (freeing him to use her for his own selfish pleasure) and children shouldn't obey their parents.

I understand why a man would not want to believe these scriptures are a direct command of God. It is much easier to continue to be selfish than to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

But why in the world would a woman want to give up this kind of love???!!!

chores

Chores
I have been thinking and trying to remember how I got where I am on chores with ;my children lately. I think I have it figured out.
I make a list of all the chores I want done every day: dishes, laundry, pick up each room, take the trash out, for example.I break them down into smaller mini-chores: gather up the dirty laundry, put a load in the washer, move a load from the washer to the dryer, move a load from the dryer into the individual baskets they belong in, put the baskets of laundry up, for example. Then, as suggested in Managers of Their Homes, I assign a minimum age of child able to do them to each chore and how long it would take me to do the same chore. Next, I begin at the youngest and assign enough chores to cover about an hour (factoring in that a chore that takes me ten minutes may take a three year old thirty.) I keep it to around one chore per year of age.
What this means is that my almost-four-year-old makes her own bed, puts her own laundry in her under bed-clothes boxes (not folded, but hey, that's what permanent press is for, right?), cleans her room (with some help from mom) and dumps all the little trash cans into the big one. My fifteen year old does the dishes (rinse, load dishwasher, wash the big stuff, put up the cleans, and wash the counters and stove), as well as some garden and pet chores she asked for. I know those dish chores don't add up to 15, but in a family this size that is close enough. She works at least as long as everyone else.
With six out of seven children now old enough for chores, this means that my load is greatly eased while the children still only do an hours worth of work. They are learning housekeeping skills as well as a work ethic and I can do things like change fish water, clean under furniture, and clean the fridge that used to didn't get done (good thing goldfish like dirty water!).

Just finished watching the Pearl's "Marriage God's way" video. Our church bought their "business in a box" and I am in charge of it. We haven't seen everything that came with it before, so I have to review it and make sure it is OK (we have some minor doctrinal differences with the Pearls and, too, it is never a good idea to promote something if you don't know what it is). I highly approve of the video. He takes what he says directly from the Bible.

Morning sickness is better. Back to the old vitamins helped as does an herbal tea I make. Too bad I don't like tea:-(

There is a meeting today about the new homeschool bill in the state senate. unfortunately, they set it for "when we get to it" and with Easter weekend and all, they will probably do that before lunch and there is no way I can go then. Oh well. When I find out all that is happens, I think I will write the newspaper about it. Might help. They really aren't expecting any opposition. The school districts are complaining about having to file all those papers every year and the main thing about this bill is changing from once per year notification to once per LIFE. Should make everyone happy. The only other big thing is a statement that homeschooling is a parent's religious right and the state can't interfere. current regulations are already acting that way, but this will codify it into law.

I need to rewrite my article on brain washing on my site. I figured out the proper wording last night. unfortunately I wont have time today. In fact, I guess my time is up now. Oh well.

Scripted curriculums

I have recently read a couple of different opinions of scripted curricula. I thought I would through my opinion out there.
There is a time and a place for every kind of curriculum available, even the "evil" textbooks. I use one scripted book with my children- First Lessons in Language by Jessie Wise. It is designed to be used with one child in first and second grade for teaching grammar and narration. Mrs. Wise believes that children gain a good head start by learning this information early so they have the time to to go more in-depth in later years. Unfortunately, children this age do not generally have the reading skills to comprehend grammar with out it being taught to them. Thus any books written to the child himself can not be used this early. The choice then is to delay this subject until they can read their own directions or use something mom has to teach. My older children are using books they not only read themselves but they correct themselves also. I scan the work and discuss it with them every day to make sure they are understanding (about 30 seconds), but otherwise they are on their own. In looking back though, i wish I had done a better job of teaching grammar earlier with them. they are both not where i would like them to be on this right now, though my oldest (who I used Abeka with in the first two years) is very close. So to fix this with the younger seven (2-9 years old), I want to have them actively learning grammar now. I read the scripted lesson from FLL, one lesson per day to all seven of them (my 2 and 3yo insist they must be in this class also. their idea, not mine) By doing all of the "little" ones at the same time I am saving time (one lesson typically takes around 5 minutes). this makes up for any time inefficiencies using a scripted lesson automatically brings. Now, I don't use scripted for any other subject but I do follow a similar idea. For example, I want my children to know the old hymns I grew up with. Our church sings mostly choruses (I am the worship leader so it is my fault). So every school morning we sing one hymn from our old hymnal. We sing them in order (the ones I know. I skip the others). So there is no prep time for this subject. I simply pick up the book and start singing. I do the same thing with a Sunday School song book (though, since I teach sign language at the same time, i do occasionally need to take the time to look up a word I don't know. For our Proverbs/dictation i just use the verses in the order they occur in the Bible. For our Bible story I use a chronological Bible and am reading it in order, one chapter at a time. No prep time whatsoever. I find this efficient because I can do the whole family at once. I guess if I used workbooks or independent texts I wouldn't have to devote so much time myself to the actual reading, but I like the togetherness we build by doing it this way. I am interacting with my children everyday. They and I get along better when we spend this time together.

This and That

Long time no post. Let's see, I have had three computer crashes, got a new computer, several bad colds and such with the dc, and a case of "Egyptian flu." (I am going to be a mummy):-) Anyway, I am taking time to post here today.

I have been studying vitamins and herbs. I have changed to a cheaper but more complete vitamin and it seems to help the nausea. I have also made up an herbal tea. It seems to help also. It includes alfalfa, dandelion (though now that the water retention is down I will cut that amount down) milk thistle, nettle leaf, oat straw, ginger, thyme, peppermint leaf, and raspberry leaf. It occurred to me today that I could add a little juice to it (in addition to the honey) and I might enjoy it better. I have to wait to try it until we go shopping tomorrow.

Going to shop for a midwife. I used D for my last three births and I have NO complaints whatsoever. however with my plans to eventually be a midwife myself i would like to see how someone closer to my religion works. talked to l today and made an appointment. need to call F again, too. don't' know if i will try S or not. that seems so far away to me.