Monday, April 21, 2014

A Pintrest conversation

I have had a bit of a discussion about young marriage on Pintrest. Unfortunately, Pintrest (or my computer. Not sure which) has decided I can’t post anything else. So, here is the discussion along with my most recent answer;

“Why We Should Encourage Our Kids to Marry Young"
Me: I married when I was 18 and hubby was 20. We have grown up together and formed each other into what we are today. I highly recommend early marriage. Our current idea to postpone marriage until nearly 30 is based on the disdain our culture has for traditional marriage. They hate the God-designed marriage and want to do everything they can to avoid it for as long as they can.

Guest: Seriously?! Actually, most people are simply choosing to have careers and establish themselves as individuals first. People chose to know who they are as people before they enter such an important covenant. Lots of marriages fail because 'kids' 'thought' they were in love.

Me: Lots of marriages also fail because to people "grew up" separately and are no longer able to form to another human being (too set in their ways).
Ideally, a couple grows up together, forming who they are together. Trying to make two mature adults into one is difficult at best.

Let's just look at the facts: 100 years ago people married young, after very short engagements and stayed married for their lifetimes.

Today people marry old, after ridiculously long engagements and divorce three years later. Which one works?

The problem isn't marrying young. It's parents not preparing their children for married life, and the young adults choosing mates based entirely on chemical/emotional reactions. Mates should be chosen with the head ("Can I live with this person and their faults for the rest of my life? Do we have the same goals? Values?") with just a consult to chemicals (marriage without that sexual chemical reaction isn't much of a marriage, but marriage with nothing else isn't either).

The problem with marriage today has a whole lot more to do with our worship of self-as-god than it does with the age we walk down the aisle.

Guest: I agree with your [last] But I still maintain that you should be a complete person (which only comes with age) rather than finding someone to complete you. It's not about 2 becoming 1, it's just 2 coming together.

Also, the reason marriage worked back then was because people didn't marry for love or similar interests like they do today. That doesn't mean today's system can't work. It's about blending the 2 (love and practicality)

Me: The Bible says 2 become 1. Not 2 try to get along enough to share a house.

It's like two jars of playdough: brand new, fresh out of the can they mold together and complement each other, forming each other. If you let them sit out and age for a week and then try to put them together, you generally get a crumbly mess.

Never said today's system CAN'T work, just that it doesn't as often as yesterday's. It is obvious to me we, as a  society, are doing something wrong in regards to marriage.

Today we marry for some emotional/chemical reaction (otherwise known as lust) and then are surprised when that changes from day to day.

Yesterday people married for practical reasons that wouldn't change and love grew from that; a deep, real love based on mutual experiences, goals, and depending on each other. This is what my Hubby and I have. Oh, I very much loved him when we married. But I only allowed myself to love him after I knew I could stand to live with him for the rest of my life. Today, however, our love is sooooo much deeper and stronger. You see, our culture doesn't understand what love is. It's not an emotional reaction that slaps you upside the head. It's a choice.

The difference between my and Hubby's marriage and other young marriages that don't make it is that our parents prepared us for marriage. What we do wrong in this culture has a lot more to do with our view of marriage and love than with the age of those marrying.

When you tell two people they are supposed to be irresponsible, selfish people (children) until they are in their mid 20's, guess what? They are irresponsible, selfish people until their mid 20's. If you teach and prepare them to take adult responsibility sooner, they are ready for it sooner (most cultures worldwide, throughout history this was actually 14, 15).

Just because an idea is old or new doesn't mean it is good or bad. Each idea must be evaluated on its own merits. Our modern ideas of love and marriage aren't working. It's time we go back to what did work; choosing our life partners based on our intellect, not our libido.

(and just a PS, imagine how much more actual learning could get down in college if the pursuit of sex was eliminated. If a young man and woman marry before college and know that at the end of the day they will have a willing partner at home, they can ignore all that “extra curricular” nonsense and concentrate on learning. For some inexplicable reason we expect our young people at their most hormonal age to go off to college and learn a career WHILE chasing around sex partners. 

Or if you are a Christian parent you are even more bizarre; you expect them to be at their most hormonal in the most tempting environment of their lives and NOT give in to sexual desire. Yeah, right. “Better to marry than to burn” as Paul says.)

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